A love story set in outer space. A group of astronauts venture on a trip to travel beyond our galaxy, the first of its kind for humanity. Though they have left Earth, the earthly feelings shall travel with them to infinity & beyond.
I remember the day when I first saw eyes as fierce as blizzard and face as calm as a lonely summer noon. His eyes met with mine, but my brain was drifting in deep thoughts.
“Hey, I might be something like a Clown. Don’t you think?”
I never really thought this would be our last conversation, but fate had other plans.
He is so young, then why his hairs are all grey?
So grumpy, his attitude was really awful. All I did everyday was to hear him yell. My dreams were shattered. All my chubby childhood self ever wanted was to go into space. Ride freely in unbound gravity free space. Now that I was here, I had the opportunity, but I was losing the grip. It was rushing out of my hands, or so I thought.
“You are coming with me to the next trip.”
I was going into the outer space, out of our galaxy. It was as big of a news for me as for the human race. Man was going to step outside our galaxy for the first time. No………….It wasn’t just men, because I was also in the team.
“Annie, you did great.”
He said while I fumbled my way out of the spacesuit. It was the first time that I saw him smile. We were successfully on route to Andromeda Galaxy. It was going to be a fifteen year long journey. At first I was upset that I was getting stuck with him, but now it felt good. I wasn’t sure what it was, all my heart wished was to stay with him. All the crew members knew him so well. Why wouldn’t they, it was the same squad which failed the last mission, barely making it alive. They all knew each other so well, each of them went through the same horror. The last ship lost its reactor that caused a huge blast. Luckily almost all of the team made it out alive.
“He was different back then. The Kevin who is here and the one who was with us two years back are two different people. He lost everything in that crash. Post traumatic depression paved way for a million complications inside his body, take his hair for example, they are all grey and there’s no undoing it. He is no longer the talkative genius that boarded the ship with us.”
“What happened the last time? What happened during the crash?”
“Sorry kiddo, but it is not my secret to tell.”
My heart was beating out hard. I was feeling something that I never ever did before. I felt excited when I was near him, I blushed when others teased me and I felt overwhelmed with emotions when he tapped my head with a gentle smile. My feelings grew stronger until the day arrived when we stepped out of our solar system. I told him about my feelings. He laughed almost immediately, but my heart saw tears trickling down his cheeks.
“We are not meant for each other.”
“WHY?” I screamed.
“Because I love someone else.”
“That’s a lie. I know you. There’s no one in your life.”
“Yes, that’s because she is dead.”
I stood speechless for a while. He knew my heart was aching and he was the reason. I could see shattered bits of my dream falling off in front of my eyes. He took the pain of going through the nightmare again to help me.
“I proposed her on the trip. She was smart, calm and introvert, I was dumb, knuckle-head and a complete extrovert. Opposites do attract. I needed no proof. We were about to leave the solar system when the reactor failed us. We rushed to the escape pods but the reactor had already drained all the power from the pods. We had two escape pods, each with a fuel barely enough to return home. However, the ship was going to blast and we needed a boost to escape the blast, but if we used the fuel for the boost, we would drift off in space for the rest of life and if we didn’t, then we would die because of the blast. The time came and she went in the second pod, alone. We released the pod in a hurry. Every fiber of my being wished to rush to her and bring her with me, but I could not. As soon as the pods left the ship, she steered her pod towards us with all that small piece of junk had. Her pod collided with ours, giving us a push farther away from the ship. But every action has an equal and opposite reaction. She was thrown towards the blast.”
“I am so sorry.”
“Please don’t be. I don’t want to hurt you, but we cannot be together. My heart belonged to her and it still beats and bleeds for her. I am on this ship because I want to die. It’s hard to live like I am right now. I don’t feel anything but pain, I have nothing in my heart other than frustration. All I carry with me is regret. Was there a way to save her? I should have stayed with her? Were my decisions accurate? These questions haunt me every day. I am not going to survive like this. All I want now is to die while drifting in this endless space. To lay at rest on her grave, this is the reason why I’m here.”
“You cannot do this. I cannot allow you.”
“It’s not your decision to make.”
Saying this, he brought himself close to me. Our foreheads touched. My eyes were already wrapped in tears. I didn’t wish for him to go away. But forcing him to stay was equal to killing him. I couldn’t do anything. In that moment of pain and agony, I realized, what he might have felt.
Four days later, after we finally crossed our Solar system, he decided to leave. The team knew of his plan. ‘Death by Accident’ and no one could do anything about it for the next fifty years or so. Too perfect for a suicide. He was simply going to jump off, with only minutes of oxygen and a sleep inducing gas left in the tank, and then wait for his death to arrive.
“Hey, I might be something like a Clown. Don’t you think? Anger on the face, hiding my regrets…………………”
The ship was slowed down for the change of trajectory when he jumped off with his suit.
“The sun is not orange, it’s white. It depends on what part of the visible spectrum is visible to you.”
He chattered from the radio. A few more words and then we lost connection with him.
Drifting in the space, waiting for death to come and take him, he found his salvation.